Medical experts are worried that professional wrestler Daniel Bryan may be taking his clean-living philosophy too far following Bryan’s announcement of his new “ultra-vegan” diet, which excludes air and water.
Bryan, who has long been a proponent of veganism and a drug-free lifestyle, announced yesterday that he intends to subsist entirely on “the power of positive thinking.”
“Alcohol, drugs, meat, oxygen, water — they are all just crutches for weak-willed people,” said Bryan, somehow avoiding any intake or exhalation of air.
“I don’t need anything but my own spirit to survive and achieve greatness.”
People who witnessed Bryan’s announcement reported that the WWE superstar sounded a bit parched, and his face had taken on an unnatural bluish pallor.
Bryan insisted he felt fine, but then excused himself to go lie down.