Professional wrestler John Cena has been stripped of his doctorate in Thuganomics after an investigation by the American Thuganomics Association revealed egregious malpractice.
Cena, who earned his Thuganomics PhD in 2003, has been deemed unfit to practice Thuganomics anywhere in North America due to “behaviour unbecoming of a Doctor of Thuganomics,” according to a report issued by the ATA.
“Mr. Cena’s incessant smiling, wise-cracking and pandering to young audiences runs contrary to the fundamental tenets of Thuganomics,” says the report.
“Cena has not performed any thuganomical duties in years, nor even mentioned the noble profession of Thuganomics. We have therefore determined that Mr. Cena is incapable of continuing his thugonomical practice.”
Cena will be forced to rescind his Thuganomical equipment (chains, basketball jerseys), and he will no longer be allowed to perform even Basic Thuganomics.
It is unclear whether his membership in the Chain Gang will be revoked, or if he’ll face impeachment from his presidency of the Cenation.