In one of his most sensible cabinet appointments to date, US President Donald Jimmyjack Trump announced that professional wrestler John Cena has been given the monumental responsibility of revitalizing the American thugonomy.
Cena, who earned his doctorate in thuganomics from Harvard in 2002 under the supervision of the renowned Dean Douglas, has been ordered to “make America’s thugonomy great again.”
America was once a global thugonomic superpower, but has begun to cede its leadership to countries like China and Russia, whose thugonomies are based on a cheap labor force with exceptional hustle, loyalty and respect.
President Trump, who believes the WWE Network is a 24-hour news channel as reliable as Fox News, told the White House press corps that “nobody knows thuganomics better than me, but Cena is a close second.”
Cena, best known as Nikki Bella’s butler on Total Divas, appeared at the White House his swearing-in ceremony carrying several thuganomics books and wearing his most conservative business jorts.