The professional wrestling world is mourning the loss of “Bad Ass” Billy Gunn today after the ring veteran passed away Monday night from a severe and sudden bout of dysentery.
Gunn was last seen alive dashing toward the locker room, hand over his tightly clenched posterior, after showing obvious abdominal discomfort while attempting to provide guest commentary during World Wrestling Entertainment’s weekly Raw program.
Paramedics reported that Gunn suffered “catastrophic dehydration” in the moments that followed, resulting in his untimely demise.
Fans and fellow wrestlers are reeling from the news, particularly Gunn’s former fiance Chuck Palumbo, who is said to be inconsolable.
Gunn’s tag team partner, Road Dogg, when asked if he was aware that Gunn was suffering gastric distress, replied: “Oh, I didn’t know.”
Police have detained for questioning Betty White, the 92-year-old actress and comedienne who had a backstage tea party with Gunn moments before he began showing signs of illness.
Suspicion abounds that White may have slipped a strong laxative into Gunn’s tea, catalyzing the fatal abdominal distress.
Many refute this theory, however, on the grounds that such a prank would be insipid and juvenile even by WWE’s already-childish standards of taste and humor.