Shawn Michaels, a 48-year-old Texan with a receding hairline and a penchant for camouflage clothing, inexplicably still refers to himself as “The Heartbreak Kid.”

The middle-aged retiree, who spends most of his time killing animals with sophisticated weaponry, has a salt-and-pepper beard and will soon be eligible for the seniors’ discount at many chain restaurants.

Yet despite his advancing age and leatheriness, Michaels still clings to a nickname that aptly described him when he was a much younger, more athletic, and sexually virile man.

Although “The Heartbreak Kid” perfectly described Michaels after his acrimonious split with former tag team partner Marty Jannetty, it no longer applies to a man who is loath to be seen without a hat covering his bald spot.

Friends of Michaels confirm that he is neither a “sexy boy” nor a “boy toy,” and have suggested he switch to the more appropriate name “The Heartburn Guy.”