The American Astronomical Society confirmed today that, using sophisticated telescopes and software, scientists have confirmed the existence of a parallel WWE Universe.
Astronomers and cosmologists who have interpreted the incoming data say the parallel WWE Universe is very similar to our own, but with a number of peculiar differences.
Interpreting radio signals emitted from the parallel WWE Universe, for instance, researchers have confirmed the existence of humanoid figures known as Good News Barrett, The Small Show, and a benevolent corporate boss who frequently hollers “You’re hired!”
Cosmologists believe the discovery of the alternate WWE Universe confirms the “Many Worlds Interpretation” of quantum mechanics, in which countless parallel universes are spawned as a condition of quantum superposition — a theory first proposed by Prof. Damien Sandow.
According to Sandow and collaborator Stephen Hawking, the parallel WWE Universe acts as a kind of counter-balance to the earthly WWE Universe, in order to maintain harmony and balance in the multiverse.
Evidence of such counter-balancing forces in the newly discovered WWE Universe include that revelations that Parallel Michael Cole has never heard of a “WWE App,” Parallel John Cena loses matches, Parallel Batista never returned from a four-year absence, and Parallel Mordecai is World Heavyweight Champion.