In a revelation so shocking that we were forced to use an exclamation point in a headline, the Ashley Madison hacking scandal has unveiled that WWE Diva Lita has been unfaithful to Matt Hardy with Edge.
The news has sent shockwaves through the world of professional wrestling, because fans of the sport had hitherto assumed that all WWE competitors were unwaveringly faithful to their spouses and partners.
The leak of confidential information from the online cheating service not only demonstrated that Lita [surname unknown] and Edge [surname unknown] had an illicit affair, but also that they are planning a tactless “live sex celebration” for an upcoming wrestling broadcast.
World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) has vowed, however, that the company will not exploit the infidelity for the sake of ratings, because that would be crass.
The Ashley Madison info-dump revealed a number of other shocking secrets about WWE competitors:
- Prior to their scheduled nuptials, Chuck cheated on Billy — the real reason behind the cancellation of their wedding
- Ric Flair cheated on each of his 37 wives with every female he encountered with a pulse (but he only bragged about a few-dozen of them during his WWE Hall of Fame speech)
- Vince McMahon once slept with a female leprechaun, resulting in the birth of his bastard son Hornswoggle
- Every pro wrestling referee has been cheated on, but not one has seen it happen
The Ashley Madison hacking scandal is not to be confused with Ashley Massaro and Madison Rayne, scandalous hacks.