After Kurt Angle’s bombshell announcement that the illegitimate child he had sired was none other that Jason Jordan, the duo announced they would prove the paternity the only truly reliable way: by appearing on The Maury Povich Show. 

Following last night’s Raw, during which Angle revealed that Jordan is his long-lost son, the duo headed to Manhattan, their their skin cells were swabbed for DNA samples. 

In front of a live studio audience of hooting simpletons, the alleged father and son fidgeted anxiously as a dead-eyed Povich, who has revealed the results of more than 2oo million paternity test, opened an envelope.  

“In the case of 28-year-old Jordan,” read Povich, pausing dramatically to build suspense, “you are not the father.”

Whoops of shock and jeers erupted from the audience, as Angle vehemently questioned the accuracy of the test, and Jordan ran backstage to sob in a well-lit lounge. 

Povich also revealed results of a lie-detector test, in which Angle had insisted “it’s true, it’s true, it’s damn true,” to which Povich replied: “The lie detector test determined that was a lie.”