A scathing report issued today by the American Federal Electoral Commission reveals that a mere 20 percent of presidential frontrunners have been inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.
Only Donald Trump, the gentlemanly and intellectual Republican candidate, has been bestowed with a WWE Hall of Fame ring.
The report reveals that other frontrunners — Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Ted Cruz, and John Kasich — have never even attended a WWE Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, let alone been inducted.
“American voters clearly have only one viable candidate,” reads the report. “Induction into the WWE Hall of Fame indicates a person has all the prerequisites for presidency: showmanship, duplicitousness, a fluorescent orange tan, and a penchant for fakery.”
Trump was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2013, in recognition of his long tenure as NWA World Champion turing the “territorial” era of pro wrestling.
The report also reveals that Clinton can name only two former WWE Intercontinental Champions, while Cruz can’t even “tell a wristlock from a wristwatch.” Kasich, meanwhile, stopped watching after the Monday Night Wars, while Sanders “prefers TNA.”
The only hope for a fair and successful election, the report concludes, will be if Jesse Ventura confirms his intention to run as an independent.