After decades of poor officiating due to their tendency to be easily distracted, all WWE referees recently underwent treatment for attention deficit disorder.
The mandatory treatment program is expected to result in drastic improvements to the fairness and efficiency of wrestling refereeing, which has long been called into question.
“For too long, our referees have failed to notice flagrant acts of rulebreaking because they’ve been distracted by managers, tag partners, missing turnbuckle pads and other simple diversions,” WWE Chairman Vince McMahon told shareholders this morning.
“We now understand that our entire officiating team has been suffering from ADD, making them chronically prone to inattention, easy distractibility, forgetfulness and disorganization.”
Added McMahon: “The diagnosis explains a lot, actually.”
McMahon said the treatment — encompassing both medication and tutorials with titles such as “How to Listen to Fans” and “Ignore the Diva on the Ring Apron” — will also keep referees safe from physical injury.
“Due to their ADD, referees often get hurt by being in the wrong place at the wrong time,” said McMahon.
“This needs to be avoided, since referees take roughly 10 times longer than normal humans to recover from minor bumps.”