30 half-naked musclemen to entwine bodies in orgiastic ritual called Royal Rumble - Kayfabe News twitter google

30 half-naked musclemen to entwine bodies in orgiastic ritual called Royal Rumble

Wrestling gay

This Dionysian festival of orgiastic excess will happen this Sunday.

More than two-dozen muscular men plan to converge this Sunday and, wearing only spandex underpants and a glistening layer of baby oil, entwine their limbs in a display of homoerotic hedonism known as the Royal Rumble.

Thirty virile young men — including a ballroom dancer and a glitter-bedecked starchild — are due to engage in the orgiastic annual argy-bargy.

One by one, the tanned and slippery musclemen will join the steaming, grunting milieu at two-minute intervals.

The Dionysian festival of erotic excess will be viewed by millions of spectators, who will cheer and boo the half-naked participants as if part of some gladiatorial bloodsport.

Although the participants — their shaven bodies decorated with elaborate tattoos and costumes — will create the illusion of violence, they will actually be engaged in an elaborate, cooperative choreography.

Rabid fans, most of whom will inexplicably be heterosexual men, expect the spectacle to be “awesome.”

Enjoy Kayfabe News? Keep it going by getting a shirt:

kayfabe news shirt

Share This on Facebook

Follow Kayfabe News

Kayfabe :

The lost art of keeping a secret in professional wrestling.

Kayfabe News :

Unreal news about an unreal sport.