30 half-naked musclemen to entwine their glistening bodies in annual orgiastic ritual - Kayfabe News twitter google

30 half-naked musclemen to entwine their glistening bodies in annual orgiastic ritual

royal rumble

More than two tons of man-meat with slap and tussle for your pleasure this Sunday.

More than two-dozen muscular men plan to converge this Sunday and, wearing only spandex underpants and a glistening layer of baby oil, entwine their rippling limbs in a display of homoerotic hedonism known as the Royal Rumble.

Thirty virile young men — plus the Undertaker and Goldberg — are due to engage in the orgiastic annual argy-bargy for your voyeuristic viewing pleasure.

One by one, the tanned and slippery musclemen will join the steaming, grunting milieu at two-minute intervals.

The Dionysian festival of erotic excess will be viewed by millions of spectators, who will cheer and boo the half-naked participants as if part of some psychosexual gladiatorial bloodsport.

Although the participants — their shaven bodies decorated with elaborate tattoos and costumes — will create the illusion of violence, they will actually be engaged in an intricate, cooperative choreography.

Rabid fans, most of whom will inexplicably be heterosexual men, expect the spectacle to be “awesome.”

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