Having blown its entire annual budget on the extravagant 1,000th episode of Raw last week, World Wrestling Entertainment is drastically reducing its expenditures by hosting an “all-Doink show” for the 1,001st episode.
“Last week we had The Rock, Lesnar, D-X — those guys don’t come cheap,” explained Vince McMahon during a press conference.
“Since we broke the bank last week, we’ve decided to be more fiscally conservative this week by hiring only Doink the Clown. All the other WWE superstars will enjoy a much-deserved, unpaid week off.”
According to financial documents obtained by Kayfabe News, Doink’s performance fee to appear throughout the entire three-hour Raw is “minimum wage and a bologna sandwich.”
The company considered hiring Dink as well, but couldn’t afford his going rate of three custard pies and a squirting lapel flower.
It is unclear how Doink will carry the whole episode of Raw, since WWE couldn’t afford any opponents for him. It is expected that he will spend much of the time spraying audience members with seltzer, laughing maniacally and pantsing ring announcer Justin Roberts.
Some wrestling analysts believe the all-Doink episode Raw will be disastrous for WWE — especially coming on the heels of the successful 1,000th episode — but most concede it can’t be any worse worse than the time Dennis Miller was the guest host.